I own up to the fact that I am a pessimist at heart – I’m a Debbie Downer, a Negative Nelly. I can’t help it, it’s the way that I’m hardwired. And I am perfectly content on my crusade of miserablism. But I don’t want my gloomy attitude to get in the way of recognizing the things that I love about a place, and so while I was walking along the beach in Puerto Vallarta, getting frustrated by sand (which I hate) and the almost unbearable heat, I decided to focus my mind on some of the things that I love about this Mexican beach town. And here they are:
1. It’s super touristy and resort-y
It’s true that for a lot of backpackers, the majority of whom I don’t get on with, this would be a negative. But not for me. It’s not that I’m against getting “off the beaten track” and “living like the locals” and all of that bullshit that you’ll see spouted on at least two thirds of posts on travel blogs, but simply that I also see the value in hyper-tourism. The first thing that I felt when I arrived in Puerto Vallarta was the kind of uncontainable excitement you experience when you are a ten year old and on your holidays with your family. Street vendors will try and ram overpriced corn down your throat, there are living statues on the beach, karaoke nights are on every corner, and when all is said and done, everyone in Puerto Vallarta is just having a really fun time. Call it commercial, call it tacky, I don’t give a flying fig. It makes me feel great.
2. There are fireworks every night
Every single bloody night! This kinda plays into the hyper-tourism of the place. But honestly, if I were to draw an outline of my own private paradise, it would undoubtedly contain fireworks. I mean, what breed of life’s fun haters can possibly hate a nightly firework show? Whoever they may be, I sure as hell don’t wanna know them.
3. It’s basically a gay ghetto
It’s probably not the right thing to say, but I just prefer being in an environment that is predominantly gay. It makes me think of home. Sorry haters, that’s just the way it is. And the great thing about Puerto Vallarta is that the homo levels are truly turned up to the max. There is one part of town that is so decked out with gay bars that there are rainbow flags flying from pillar to post wherever you lay your eyes. It also means that I can wear my gayest clothes and nobody looks twice because everybody here is just as gay as I am. Can I get an amen?
4. There is a gay beach
Before arriving in Puerto Vallarta, I had never been to a gay beach before. Now, to be frank I’m just not a beach person whether it’s a gay one or not. Having said that, the Brit in me just can’t resist burning myself to a crisp at every opportunity (even though I’m not that white compared to most Brits) and when I do plonk myself on the beach and groan to myself constantly while picking sand out my arse, I would always choose to do so amongst a swarm of Speedo adorned gay fellas.
Me, gaying around at the gay beach.
5. 60p margaritas overlooking the ocean
That’s right. I found a bar that sells Margaritas for 60 pence. And slap bang in the most perfect location, overlooking the seafront. The other night I had three of these cocktails in quick succession and could barely focus my eyes afterwards. They also gave me a bit of a comedown but povvo boozehounds can’t be choosers, as the saying goes.
Bam. Five amazing reasons to visit Puerto Vallarta if you’re not a total numpty.